I am a millennial mother of 3, and I rely on my mother’s financial support
Although my father has helped me over the years, my 64-year-old mother – retired and recently widowed after my new father passed away in 2023 – is very supportive. Saying this makes me cringe. I feel very ashamed of being in the middle of life and being so dependent on my parents.
Without a doubt, my mother expected decades ago that she would no longer have people to care for. At the age of 40, he was planning to retire early. But here I am, 39, I can’t save a cent, I need his financial support. While he lives alone, my children and I live in his townhouse.
Although I pay him rent, it is below market rate, utilities and internet included, and I get housing when I don’t have enough money to pay. And that’s not all. Over the years, he has given me cars, loaned me money, and given me money right away.
At one point, I felt like I was on a good financial track
When I was 19, my new mom and dad were guardians and put down a $35,000 deposit that I later paid off, and I owned a townhouse like which I am in now. In a way I was financially independent, worked three jobs, had a lot of money saved up, and had my life planned out. It seemed like I was heading in the right direction.
So, where did I go wrong? Simply put, several bad investments of various kinds – dead relationships, attempts to pursue education, and career choices – led to my financial situation.
I got married in 2009 while I was still in university, and after putting about $20,000 towards the balance – all of it from a registered education savings plan set up by my mother I – I left school to start a family. Five years and two children later, my marriage ended.
After my divorce, I went back to school
We stayed out of court and, with his parents’ guidance, divided the property that my parents helped me get. We also shared the debt, including a lot of money that I had no idea about. To this day, I don’t know exactly how much debt was shared, but I think a large portion was my ex-husband’s education expenses and credit card purchases. In the end, I was left without the place I had for 10 years, chasing low-wage jobs. I made a deliberate decision to become a nurse practitioner in order to put myself in a better position.
After 18 months of full-time studies, additional specialized training, and working as a nurse, I was weak. Not only was I feeling the effects of financial pressure due to school expenses, but physical, mental and moral exhaustion was already there.
However, I decided to pursue further education. I switched to psychology instead of nursing to create a career that I loved that fit my values and would allow me to have a healthy work life. I knew I was going to be there for a long time.
Normally, to get a master’s degree, a person will devote about seven years to his education: four years to a bachelor’s degree and two and a half years to a master’s program. And that’s only if they take a full course load. However, my course load reflected my status as a single mother; while other students enroll in five courses per semester, I only take three.
Another pregnancy made it difficult to continue, so I asked for help
I thought I could take nursing shifts and study at the same time, but an unexpected pregnancy reduced the chances of that. Although I tried to find a job at home – a remote location where I could work around the new baby and fit into my already tight schedule – I was unsuccessful. I was unemployed, my school loans weren’t enough to make ends meet, and what little assets I had dwindled, leaving me dependent on borrowed money.
With inflation and the lack of other social support for parents in my situation, after two years of staying at home with my youngest, I was sinking into debt. Fortunately, I was still able to continue school by enrolling in distance learning courses.
Routine expenses like car repairs and maintenance, dental fees, doctor bills, and child-rearing expenses continued to drain my bank. Feeding, clothing, housing, and traveling with growing children all took a toll on my budget. I was maxing out my two credit cards, then once I got my school loan, I would pay them off. But the interest payments were astronomical, and I was doing a terrible job of putting it all together.
I broke down one day, and after I cried to my mom about my Visa bill, which was about $12,000, she offered to help me. He loaned me the money to pay off the loan and told me I could pay the rent when I got my next student loan payment.
Although I feel ashamed of my financial situation, I feel blessed. Not everyone has such a supportive family. It seems that no matter my age or what I need, my parents will help me, and I know I will do the same for my children.
As I prepare to graduate next summer, I am close to achieving my long-term goal of obtaining a master’s degree in counseling psychology. Although this means at least two and a half years of graduate school and more money, it will allow me to help people the way I’ve always wanted to. And all this is possible because I have the support of my family. Although it is embarrassing to admit how much help I have had to ask for along the way, I hope that one day, in my work, I will support others to pursue a life that brings them happiness.